Tag Archives: sex

Crushed Masculinity

No, this isn’t about the Chumph. It is about a different side of the masculinity belief that men should be in control and handle the “big issues”, while women should raise children and be submissive. I’ve known some guys who couldn’t tell he business end of a socket wrench from the part you hold onto. The masculinity myth has it that men are better then women at anything mechanical. It’s bullshit, and self destructive.

The male ego spans a lot of territory. From the guy in this story whose fragile ego was crushed by a competent woman, to the fake hyper-masculinity of a Trump

She changed his flat tire. He never called her again. Is this a case of a fragile male ego?

Image result for woman changing a tireTheresa Ukpo was sitting in the passenger seat of her date’s car, trying to figure out what she did wrong. She was out with a guy she’d been seeing regularly for three months. It was the kind of night that required stilettos, and things had been going well — until his car got a flat tire.

He had pulled over on the side of the road and called AAA. It was dark and late; she didn’t feel safe. It would take anywhere from 30 minutes to three hours for AAA to show up. They could continue to wait, or she could just change the tire and they could be on their way in about 20 minutes, tops. “I figured if I can, why not do?” Ukpo said by phone of the date she first wrote about on the blog Madame Noire. “I don’t subscribe to this idea that because I’m a woman, I have to play this damsel in distress thing.”

It’s at this point in the story that Andrew Smiler, communications director at the Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinity and the expert I called to discuss the fragility of the male ego, began chuckling. He knew where the tale was headed — and why. Like me, he’s heard countless stories like Ukpo’s, where confident, well-intentioned women are trying to help, but a dating disaster ensues. For clarity, I asked him, “What exactly is so funny?”

Smiler laughs again and explains: “We give people some really messed-up messages about gender roles. Even in the early 21st century, we have this supposedly egalitarian culture, and guys are taught that they should never show weakness or ignorance or inability to do a task. And in various ways they should ‘wear the pants’ in the relationship.”

This is probably what Ukpo’s date thought. She volunteered to change his tire so they wouldn’t have to wait. He didn’t believe she could, so he stood over her holding the light while she squatted and did what he thought was the impossible. He barely spoke to her the entire ride to her home, and she hasn’t heard from him since he dropped her off.

Ukpo wasn’t sure what she had done wrong. “My first inkling was that he was intimidated that I changed his tire,” she says. “Or maybe he thought I was being stubborn about not wanting to wait for AAA.”

When she asked her male friends what she did wrong, if anything, the answer was unanimous: She emasculated him.Image result for woman changing a tire

In other words, the male ego — which Smiler defines as a shorthand for determining “whether or not a guy thinks he measures up or is masculine or macho enough — strikes again. Its pesky existence is the bane of a dating woman’s existence and the culprit of countless dating and relationship disasters. Managing it is like walking through a minefield. One misstep, andBOOM! there went your potential for a relationship. The fear of encountering the male ego’s wrath results in the muting of opinionated women, helplessness in otherwise take-charge types and second-guessing among the otherwise confident.

Given that the ego issue is all in a guy’s head, it sounds like a problem that he should have to work out with himself, but unfortunately that duty often falls to the women in his life. Why? Andrea Syrtash, relationship expert and author of “He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s a Good Thing),” says guys with fragile egos haven’t been properly socialized to manage themselves. “Men are conditioned to be strong, to not show vulnerability because it’s a sign of weakness, and not encouraged to share what they’re feeling or be communicative,” Syrtash explains. “The ‘fragile male ego‘ comes from being misunderstood.”

When encountering such an ego, she suggests that women in the early stages of a dating run for the hills to avoid it. But for those who have more time invested, she recommends countering it by building confidence. “Women don’t always realize that although your man may be strong and silent and doesn’t share his feelings, he still needs to hear that he’s doing a good job, that he’s contributing well, that you respect him, that you appreciate him. That kind of approval goes a long way in a relationship,” Syrtash says…. Read the Rest Here

Image result for woman changing a tire


Posted by on October 14, 2016 in and the Single Life


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Republicans and Kiddies

Think the States with the “Bathroom Bills” would be better off banning Republicans from being around small children. For real cases of molesation, it takes the right wing fanatics.

Former Georgia GOP county chairman arrested for molesting children as young as 4-years-old

Joseph Russell Dendy via Cobb County Sheriff's Dept.

The former chairman of the Cobb County Republican Party was taken into custody on Friday after being accused of molesting a several children, including one boy who was only 4-years-old at the time.

Joseph Russell Dendy, 71, was arrested at his home and charged with aggravated child molestation and child molestation, both felonies, for incidents dating back to 2007, reports

According to police, Dendy is also wanted by the Washtenaw County Sheriff’s Office in Michigan, as well as the Laurens Police Department in South Carolina based upon sexual abuse accusations in those states.

Police documents state that Dendy allegedly molested two boys, ages 4 and 12, in  separate incidents at his home. One of Dendy’s accusers, now 20, went to the authorities and stated that  he was molested in 2007 or 2008, when he was 12 or 13 years old. The second victim said Dendy molested him in December 2011.

Dendy served two, two-year terms as leader of the Cobb GOP before stepping down last year.

The former Republican leader is currently being held in the

Two Tennessee ministers caught seeking underage girls for sex in sting operation

The Tennessee Bureau of Investigation announced that two of the men caught in a sting operation to catch people seeking underage prostitutes were ministers of local churches.

Knoxville’s Jason Kennedy, 46, was a minister at Grace Baptist Church in Karns, but he wasn’t fired until after the charges were revealed by the TBI, according to WBIR.

“Jason was a guy that talked so much about his wife and how much he loved her, and she talked about how she loved him and their three children. I mean, they were a great family,” Senior Pastor Ron Stewart said about the alleged child pedophile.

“The actions of the children’s pastor for which he has been arrested were part of his life outside the church,” the church said in a statement. “We have received no questions or concerns related to his conduct within the church or its ministries.”

Kennedy was one of 32 people arrested in a Knoxville human trafficking operation. He responded to ads soliciting sex for an hour with two prostitutes under the age of 18. One of the girls was 15-years-old.

“We are praying for his family and will continue to provide the services of our ministry to them,” the church said.

Zubin Parakh, 32, is the pastor at LifeHouse Church, according to the Knoxville News Sentinel. The church lists him as the “creative pastor.” He was arrested along with Kennedy at the Best Western in Knoxville.


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Alabama Preacher Says Sex Will Make You Stupid

Damn…And here I thought I gained at least 3 IQ points breaking up with my last lady friend not fretting over whether to make reservations at the choice of that lovely seaside B&B, or mountain chalet with winery…And there is definitely scientific evidence the sight of a well apportioned woman will cause temporary tongue tied stupidity in straight men. But…

This guy is from one of those “Bathroom” states.

He obviously hasn’t had sex (at least with a fellow human)  in quite a while. These guys have gotten so twisted, God wouldn’t recognize them anymore.

Alabama preacher says sex is the biggest reason for homelessness, abuse and lowers your IQ

A Preacher in Alabama wants you to know that sex will kill your brain cells, make you homeless and was brought by God as a means of punishing people, so you really shouldn’t be enjoying it as much as you do. Many right-wing religious have deep and profound problems with sex. They want to regulate when you can have it, how you can have it and who you can have it with. But, this guy has taken the anti-sex philosophy to a whole new level of hostility.

“Sex has never been ordained by God,” he says sitting behind two phallic lighthouses. “In fact, it was the first sin, Adam and Eve and the serpent. And you see what happened to the serpent on that. But, like I say, sex is the problem. If you don’t mention sex, two men or two women can live together, share a place, have a place, and one can leave whatever she got, and they can have a ‘merge partner,’ they call it.”

“I say this to the young people: Sex is a very dangerous thing. As dangerous as can be. As dangerous as cocaine or anything else. If you start, say as a young person, and get hooked on that, and it’ll paralyze your mind where you won’t learn very well like you ought to, most time. And it’s gonna create all kinda problems.”

He seems obsessed with the idea that people are talking about sex. He quite simply doesn’t want to hear about it. “Sex is between two consenting people of age, and that’s where it’s supposed to stay right there. You’re not supposed to go and talk about it. It’s all behind closed doors.”

“Sex, I think, well, sex is the biggest, the most reason, well, all the homeless, abused children in the world is because of sex. And 99.9 percent, I guess there’s been a few [intelligable] that was because of money then. But money and sex is the two worst things out there and sex is a mighty big one.”

“Sex is — was here for the world to multiply, and that was kind of a punishment,” he has concluded. “It’s never been ordained by God. It’s not sanctified by God.”

Erotophobia is a recognized fear of sex by the American Psychological Association. As for his erroneous statistics on homelessness and sexuality, 47,000 members of the homeless community are veterans, many of whom are suffering not from sex, but from post-traumatic stress disorder, substance abuse, and mental illness. Thirteen percentof homeless people are fleeing domestic violence.

There is no evidence from the American Psychological Association that sex causes homelessness or low intelligence. In fact, actual science shows quite the opposite. According to a piece in the Atlantic, in experiments with mice and rats, sexual activity shows an improvement in mental performance. Sex increases neurogenesis, which is the production of neurons in the middle of the brain (the hippocampus), which is where long-term memories are formed.


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Anti Government Type Sells Wife and Children Into Sex Slavery

Another classic Trump supporter here…This one a member of the extreme right wing so called “Sovereign Citizens

Ryon L. Travis mushot -- (Fox 2 screengrab)

Anti-government crook sold ‘wives’ and 5-year-old daughter into sex slavery from ‘house of horrors’

An investigation into credit card fraud by a self-described “sovereign citizen” in Detroit took a horrifying turn when investigators executing a warrant at his home discovered child pornography, evidence of sex trafficking — and one of his multiple “wives” chained to a stripper pole.

Police called it a “house of horrors.”

According to Click On Detroit, Ryon Lenell Travis, 32, an unemployed father of seven, is being held after police found video of his  5-year-old daughter being sexually assaulted, along with more child pornography, on his phone.

The investigation began as a simple matter of ID theft, with Travis accused of charging more than $50,000 to a credit card belonging to a local business.

But when authorities searched his home, what they found was horrific,  including the child abuse images and multiple “wives” — with one chained to a stripper pole in the living room.

“There was a third woman chained at the neck to the stripper pole, sitting in the living room,” Assistant U.S. Attorney Sara Woodward said while filing charges. “She had a chain around her neck with a padlock on the chain and then a longer chain that connected her to the stripper pole.”

The 25-year-old woman told investigators Travis sold her and the other women online for sex.

“She said that the defendant posted advertisements online and in chat rooms that he had four girls for sale,” said Woodward. “And she said that if she or the other women refused to dance or perform sex acts, the defendant would be violent with them, and that he would hit them with a closed fist, kick them or push them down.”

The child sexual abuse charges stem from photographs that showed a 5-year-old girl engaged in sexual acts with an adult male — with Travis admitting that the girl is his daughter.

At his arraignment, Travis asked the charges against him be dropped, asserting his rights as a sovereign citizen unbound by the law.

“My point is that all laws are commercial in nature and I am a natural born human of the American land,” he stated in court. “Since all laws are commercial in nature and I choose not to do business with this court, I ask that this case be dismissed.”

The court was not amenable to his request and he was held without bond.

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Posted by on April 5, 2016 in Black Conservatives


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Republican Pedophile Assistance Act

Some creep telling my little ones to expose themselves is likely to be eating a 44 caliber sandwich if I get there before the Police do…

So now we have a right-wing pervert trying to make it a requirement for “inspections” of children’s genitals!

Virginia GOP bill would require schools to verify children’s genitals before using restroom

Republican child molesting  POS Virginia Del. Mark Cole

A Bill filed by a Virginia lawmaker this week would require schools to be certain that children are using the restroom corresponding to their “correct anatomical sex.”

The legislation, which would prohibit transgender students from using the bathroom matching their gender, is being sponsored by Republican Del. Mark Cole.

House Bill 663 defines “anatomical sex” as “the physical condition of being male or female, which is determined by a person’s anatomy.”

“Local school boards shall develop and implement policies that require every school restroom, locker room, or shower room that is designated for use by a specific gender to solely be used by individuals whose anatomical sex matches such gender designation,” the measure states.

Under the bill, any student who violated the bathroom rules could be fined $50 by law enforcement. Schools would have the discretion of allowing students to use a “single stall restroom or shower” or to have “controlled” access to an otherwise unoccupied restroom.

Cole’s legislation would also allow law enforcement to fine anyone who knowingly used a public restroom that did not correspond to their “anatomical sex.”

Civil rights advocate Tim Peacock noted that “adults would be required to inspect children’s genitals before they use the bathroom” for the legislation to be enforceable.

“This is what the conservative movement has devolved into: forcing children to allow adults to examine their genitals out of misplaced fear that transgender kids and adults might commit a hypothetical never-before-seen act of violence or sexual aggression (that would still be against the law with or without transgender protections),” Peacock wrote.


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Oh, Baby!

Seems a little old lady holding a glass to the adjoining wall with her neighbor’s bedroom, while leaving Faux News on got a little over excited…

Elderly Wisconsin woman calls cops to report she heard neighbors chanting ‘ISIS is good, ISIS is great’ during sex

An elderly Wisconsin woman called police Sunday night after she claimed her neighbors were expressing their support for terrorists during an intimate moment.

The 82-year-old woman, whose name was not released, told officers she heard her neighbors chanting, “ISIS is good, ISIS is great,” while having sex, reported WDJT-TV.

The claims apparently turned out to be unfounded and no arrests were made in the case, but police told the woman to call back if she heard the chanting again.

The TV station reached out to Brown Deer’s police chief for additional details, and he replied with a wisecrack.

Was it as good for you as it was for me Isis?

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Posted by on December 22, 2015 in The Post-Racial Life


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Why I Don’t Sleep With White Guys

Ok…Now that I got your attention – This one isn’t about me.

Not that it’s any great loss to the gay community – I’m a heterosexual guy who likes the ladies.

But this one caught my eye from a Student in Canada. Interesting viewpoint, since it’s now in style in some parts of America for some black women to get their “swirl” on. And I certainly have run into black guys “who only date white women”. So I wonder if the reverse sort of thing is going on with those women. And do some of those women feel the same way?

And no – the eye candy isn’t the author – I just couldn’t find a decent pic..

Why I Don’t Sleep With White Guys

They say nothing comes without a price. However, in the case of being one of the only coloured girls in my city, nothing comes without a race.

I live in a predominately white city. Not by choice (I’m from Toronto), but to attend university. When I first got to the city, I thought people would be incredibly racist and I’d be excluded and snubbed by my peers. Well, the opposite happened.

Arrogance aside (I promise), everywhere I went, I was white men’s object (emphasis onobject) of desire. And it wasn’t just white men — all races of men I’ve never encountered, but white men seemed the most enthralled by my presence. But the initial adoration and my swelled ego soon subsided after I realized that men were not attracted to me for being just a “pretty face” — I was being objectified, exoticized and sexualized for being one of few coloured girls in a sea of white men. I felt alone. And more importantly, I felt disgusted with myself.

Feminist, social activist and African American author bell hooks terms this kind of attraction to the ‘Othered’ body as “Eating the Other.” This is the phenomenon where white men as well as the media view coloured women’s bodies, especially black women’s, as a site of difference. The coloured body is stereotypically everything the white woman’s body is not: she is not “pure,” “fair,” or “docile.” Rather, her body represents deviance, darkness, temptation, evil, and hypersexuality. This detrimental image generates a deep sense of desire and adventure within the white man — a desire to colonize her body — ‘eat’ it up, and use it to come to know himself.

Through fucking a coloured woman, the white man transcends his ‘whiteness’ and innocence, moving into more experienced and dangerous territory. Literally through her body, he learns what he is and what he is not. He gains access to cross the border into a dark territory that only he, of all his friends, has yet to venture to. But after ‘consuming’ her multiple times, he becomes sick and repulsed, as with any overconsumption of food, and spits her out.

I found hooks’ theory to be overwhelmingly comforting. It came at a time when I was trying to make sense of what was happening to my body and how it was being perceived. It especially came at a time when I found out the guy I had been seeing had a white girlfriend and was sleeping with me to finally make his fantasy of fucking black girls come true (wasn’t I lucky to be the first?). As a mixed-race girl, I also found it unsettling that the colour of my skin allowed people to label me as “Black,” or as something tropical and exotic — it was always one of the two. I was getting sick of being approached at bars by white men, changing their pick up line from “Are you an angel? ‘Cause it looks like you fell outta heaven.” to “I love black people. I have black friends, you know — now can I take you home?”

Sometimes it was more of an excited squeal, a wide-eyed gawk, their hands shaking as they coyly tried to place their hands on my ass, exclaiming, “I’ve never danced with a black girl before,” looking at me the same way one would attack a Quarter (Dark Meat) Chicken Dinner at Swiss Chalet. Dressing up in cheetah print made it worse. My skin colour and mixed heritage had given me a label I didn’t like — that “Black” girl at the bars, that “Island girl” on the bus. Nobody knew what I was, so I was immediately placed in a stereotypical category that both separated me from others and made me mysterious. I was always that girl, not just a girl.

After months of self-hatred, feeling dirty inside and out and wondering what I was doing wrong, I finally started to come to terms with what was happening around me. Being a racial minority female in a city of racially dominant men made me exotic. I was a hot coloured commodity in a rather colourless city, because they had so few “people like me.” The exotification of women comes from being that racialized woman — the Other kind of woman who does not carry “white” features or practices “white” culture.

It is not a compliment, because like eroticization, it sexualizes, objectifies and racializes the female body, jamming it into a tight space where hypersexuality, primitiveness, danger, temptation and difference are forced upon us. The exotification of the racialized body is a way for non-racialized subjects to, like hooks reminds us, come to know themselves. By casting coloured women as different, they maintain the status quo of race and sex dominance while marginalizing, sexualizing, and dehumanizing coloured women.

This is not to say I have become the mad mixed woman in the attic and have cast off all white men. It’s also not to say that this can’t happen with all races of men — I just have yet to find an interracial relationship where my difference isn’t at the forefront. I have yet to find that guy who hasn’t used me to see if sleeping with me makes him a new man, or a guy who hasn’t made the wretched “I love black people” disclaimer upon meeting me.

Maybe I’m just looking in the wrong place. But I am speaking to something more structural than just the colour of my skin and people’s reactions to it; I am talking about privilege, racism, colonialism — systems and institutions of power and hierarchy that allow for women of colour to be exotified and Othered; to be treated as sex objects and animals instead of humans. To be treated by non-coloured men as cheapened territory that becomes a game of conquering. Until I find that guy and regain my trust in white men, I’ve saved myself from being checked off someone’s “To Do” list again. And although I could be missing out, it’s a good feeling to know I’m finally in control. And it feels great.


Posted by on July 26, 2013 in The Post-Racial Life


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