Hat Tip – The Grio
This is part of an opinion piece by Dr. Boyce Watkins dealing with the falling marriage numbers in the black community. For the whole thing – go here.
Watkins points out that while black men have been assigned much of the blame, the reality is that black women share much more of the blame than is typically assigned to them. He questions the “common wisdom” – even that voiced by President Obama and Attorney General Eric Holder…
Having recently gone back on the market myself, I have to admit to one huge pet peeve. Trying to make an introduction and speak to an attractive black woman can be a minefield – no matter how politely approached, or well accoutered a guy is. Sisters are experts at the shoot down. Now – that’s not a one way thing, in that I’ve certainly seen some low class hardheads come with some pretty crude crap, after being shot down with a crude intro, and maybe that, in part – poisons the market. However, that iron wall shuts down conversation at any level.
Second, no guy in his right mind wants anything to do with a woman describing herself as a “Diva”. Don’t need a “Queen” either. And any guy who thinks he’s going to be a “King” in a household with any woman worth her salt deserves what he gets, which is almost always a lot of frustration. Maybe if a few more folks valued the concept of partnership instead of primitive ego gratification?
To Dr. Watkin’s critique –
I often wonder if there is more to the black relationships story than that. Here are some thoughts to consider:
1) Whites aren’t staying married either, so this is not just solely a black issue. The next time Barack Obama gives a speech about black men “behaving like little boys” because they don’t live with their children, I would love to see him give that same speech to the millions of divorcees in white America. Given that roughly 50% of white marriages end in divorce, we can’t presume that black people create the only dysfunctional families in America. All of America is turning away from marriage, and that’s just a fact.
2) Are men the only ones to blame here? When I watched the beautiful women on the ABC special who felt that they could never find a husband, I heard some of my educated, fully employed male friends say, “I’d marry any one of them right now!” Over the years, I’ve seen many women pass over good men who would make excellent husband/boyfriend/baby daddy material. (Sorry, I hold no ill will toward baby’s daddies – I only care about love, not labels). Read the rest of this entry »