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Can’t Wait to Order My New Pizza Plants Through the Burpees Catalogue!

16 Nov

Wow! Now that Pizza has officially been been classified by Congress as a Vegetable, it is only a matter of time before it is in all the seed catalogs!

I mean – if it is a veggie – you ought to be able to order your double pepperoni and cheese with anchovy and mushrooms and plant the seeds right out back. 45 days for a medium – 60 for a large!

One question though… Should I make space for it next to the zucchini or the basil plants?

How Pizza Became A Vegetable Through The Magic Of Influence-Peddling

On Tuesday, Congress decided that pizza is a vegetable. I have to imagine that this news instilled confusion in many Americans, as many Americans are (a) familiar with pizza, (b) familiar with vegetables and (c) sane.

But, to provide specifics that will in no way dispel your lingering thoughts that we are governed by morons but at least allow you some anthropological insight into how a group of morons who have been given permission to sit in a fancy room in Washington, D.C., and grunt at each other actually think, here is their thinking: Pizza is a vegetable for the purposes of determining what goes into public school lunches by virtue of the fact that pizza traditionally includes a schmear of tomato paste. (Botanically speaking, tomatoes are actually fruit, but we’re going to have to just let that slide.)

At any rate, you may still be wondering how it came to pass that Congress arrived at the conclusion that pizza could count as a serving of vegetables. Wonder no more! Congress was guided along this path by lobbyists. And lobbyists can do all sorts of things, by magic! (Except provide nutritious lunches for children.)

 

 
1 Comment

Posted by on November 16, 2011 in American Greed

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

One response to “Can’t Wait to Order My New Pizza Plants Through the Burpees Catalogue!

  1. nanakwame

    November 17, 2011 at 9:39 AM

    Pass the veggie french fries please! Well according to Herman we make our children sissies w/o the meat

    Like

     

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