Dating Uglies

20 Aug

Ugly Betty From the TV Series

This one kind of blew me away. First off, where do you find folks who are willing to put their names out there on a site dedicated to Ugly People Dating. And second, beautiful or ugly in terms of matches between folks seems to me to be highly subjective, and completely in the eye of the beholder.

Ugly People Get Their Own Dating Site

Talk about a niche dating site. launched on Monday as the first online dating site only for ugly people in the U.K. It claims to “deal in reality,” is free to join and filled with 1,500 unattractive people who want to, um, bump uglies. First of all, that’s the best name for a website ever. Second of all, founder Howard James’ quote is the funniest ever: “It’s a sad fact that up to half of the UK is made up of ugly people yet amazingly nobody has ever thought of providing a dating service for them.” The rules are strict: attractive singletons are not allowed!

But isn’t a dating site for “the aesthetically challenged” kind of … wrong?

True, they are a self-selecting group, who willingly put themselves on there. And I suppose some singletons would feel like it’s easier to date among a pool where everyone has lowered expectations about physical appearances. I’m troubled, though, because “ugliness” and “attractiveness” are so subjective. The idea that some people may define themselves as being “ugly,” if they’re not really at peace with it (i.e., not embracing it in the empowering way some people have embraced slurs like “gay” or “slut”), seems exploitative. Why would society want to encourage people to identify themselves like that?

The site itself makes a lot of downright untrue — not to mention cruel — assumptions about “ugly” people. Try: “Ugly people are a better calibre of human—pretty people generally aren’t very nice and are often a bit shallow.” And: “Ugly people have had a tougher life and therefore tend to be more considerate and more loyal. A recent survey [on the site] also proved that they try harder in bed.” And this gem: “Ugly people have lower expectations – for a first date a Family Bucket will usually do the trick.” So guys, don’t bother wooing an “ugly” woman or treating her like she’s a human being! Just buy her a bucket of fried chicken and she’ll be grateful.


There’s also the question of how “ugly” do you have to be to join. What are the qualifiers? Weight? The size of your nose? Facial deformities? Skin color? It seems to me this would just contribute to sizeismracism, ableism, etc. Even if it’s a self-selecting group who joins, it saddens me that the online dating pools — which can already be a vicious meat market — are further subdividing in a way that doesn’t challenge notions of beauty.


Posted by on August 20, 2010 in The Post-Racial Life


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4 responses to “Dating Uglies

  1. GEO

    August 20, 2010 at 6:20 PM

    This really angers could someone get away with such a vulgar website?? My optimistic side is saying maybe this is seen as a way to boost a person’s self esteem, but I just can’t get over the fact that it’s so blunt.

    Also, I do not see anyone as ugly, but rather unattractive to my eye, so that whole ugly/pretty debacle just angers me more


    • btx3

      August 20, 2010 at 6:31 PM

      Had a fascinating exchange with a male cousin who grew up in another city a bit ago. We are within a year or two in age, and grew up in a close family which frequently visited relatives, and had annual family reunions. There were 15-20 of us guys and gals in the same age range, which meant the reunions were our annual chance to hang out together, and often dance and party long into the night after the old folks and litle kids had gone to bed. In our late teens and 20’s we would frequently bring girlfriends or boyfriends.

      My cousin stopped by for the night on his way through town, and after a few drinks we started reminiscing about those times. He said “You always had the best looking women on your arm at the Reunion!”

      I relied, “Wait a minute! I always thought you had the best looking girl on your arm!”

      Isn’t that human nature?


      • GEO

        August 20, 2010 at 7:10 PM

        haha…yes. I guess it is


  2. JuJuBe

    August 21, 2010 at 9:27 AM

    I remember last year reading about a dating site only for attractive people. There was an uproar, because they had kicked out a large number of people because of weight gain. The basic premise is that big=ugly. Since I am big, does that mean I should be relegated to an “ugly” dating site?? I prefer to go to a BBW website, which RECOGNIZES that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.



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