Why I Don’t Sleep With White Guys

Ok…Now that I got your attention – This one isn’t about me.

Not that it’s any great loss to the gay community – I’m a heterosexual guy who likes the ladies.

But this one caught my eye from a Student in Canada. Interesting viewpoint, since it’s now in style in some parts of America for some black women to get their “swirl” on. And I certainly have run into black guys “who only date white women”. So I wonder if the reverse sort of thing is going on with those women. And do some of those women feel the same way?

And no – the eye candy isn’t the author – I just couldn’t find a decent pic..

Why I Don’t Sleep With White Guys

They say nothing comes without a price. However, in the case of being one of the only coloured girls in my city, nothing comes without a race.

I live in a predominately white city. Not by choice (I’m from Toronto), but to attend university. When I first got to the city, I thought people would be incredibly racist and I’d be excluded and snubbed by my peers. Well, the opposite happened.

Arrogance aside (I promise), everywhere I went, I was white men’s object (emphasis onobject) of desire. And it wasn’t just white men — all races of men I’ve never encountered, but white men seemed the most enthralled by my presence. But the initial adoration and my swelled ego soon subsided after I realized that men were not attracted to me for being just a “pretty face” — I was being objectified, exoticized and sexualized for being one of few coloured girls in a sea of white men. I felt alone. And more importantly, I felt disgusted with myself.

Feminist, social activist and African American author bell hooks terms this kind of attraction to the ‘Othered’ body as “Eating the Other.” This is the phenomenon where white men as well as the media view coloured women’s bodies, especially black women’s, as a site of difference. The coloured body is stereotypically everything the white woman’s body is not: she is not “pure,” “fair,” or “docile.” Rather, her body represents deviance, darkness, temptation, evil, and hypersexuality. This detrimental image generates a deep sense of desire and adventure within the white man — a desire to colonize her body — ‘eat’ it up, and use it to come to know himself.

Through fucking a coloured woman, the white man transcends his ‘whiteness’ and innocence, moving into more experienced and dangerous territory. Literally through her body, he learns what he is and what he is not. He gains access to cross the border into a dark territory that only he, of all his friends, has yet to venture to. But after ‘consuming’ her multiple times, he becomes sick and repulsed, as with any overconsumption of food, and spits her out.

I found hooks’ theory to be overwhelmingly comforting. It came at a time when I was trying to make sense of what was happening to my body and how it was being perceived. It especially came at a time when I found out the guy I had been seeing had a white girlfriend and was sleeping with me to finally make his fantasy of fucking black girls come true (wasn’t I lucky to be the first?). As a mixed-race girl, I also found it unsettling that the colour of my skin allowed people to label me as “Black,” or as something tropical and exotic — it was always one of the two. I was getting sick of being approached at bars by white men, changing their pick up line from “Are you an angel? ‘Cause it looks like you fell outta heaven.” to “I love black people. I have black friends, you know — now can I take you home?”

Sometimes it was more of an excited squeal, a wide-eyed gawk, their hands shaking as they coyly tried to place their hands on my ass, exclaiming, “I’ve never danced with a black girl before,” looking at me the same way one would attack a Quarter (Dark Meat) Chicken Dinner at Swiss Chalet. Dressing up in cheetah print made it worse. My skin colour and mixed heritage had given me a label I didn’t like — that “Black” girl at the bars, that “Island girl” on the bus. Nobody knew what I was, so I was immediately placed in a stereotypical category that both separated me from others and made me mysterious. I was always that girl, not just a girl.

After months of self-hatred, feeling dirty inside and out and wondering what I was doing wrong, I finally started to come to terms with what was happening around me. Being a racial minority female in a city of racially dominant men made me exotic. I was a hot coloured commodity in a rather colourless city, because they had so few “people like me.” The exotification of women comes from being that racialized woman — the Other kind of woman who does not carry “white” features or practices “white” culture.

It is not a compliment, because like eroticization, it sexualizes, objectifies and racializes the female body, jamming it into a tight space where hypersexuality, primitiveness, danger, temptation and difference are forced upon us. The exotification of the racialized body is a way for non-racialized subjects to, like hooks reminds us, come to know themselves. By casting coloured women as different, they maintain the status quo of race and sex dominance while marginalizing, sexualizing, and dehumanizing coloured women.

This is not to say I have become the mad mixed woman in the attic and have cast off all white men. It’s also not to say that this can’t happen with all races of men — I just have yet to find an interracial relationship where my difference isn’t at the forefront. I have yet to find that guy who hasn’t used me to see if sleeping with me makes him a new man, or a guy who hasn’t made the wretched “I love black people” disclaimer upon meeting me.

Maybe I’m just looking in the wrong place. But I am speaking to something more structural than just the colour of my skin and people’s reactions to it; I am talking about privilege, racism, colonialism — systems and institutions of power and hierarchy that allow for women of colour to be exotified and Othered; to be treated as sex objects and animals instead of humans. To be treated by non-coloured men as cheapened territory that becomes a game of conquering. Until I find that guy and regain my trust in white men, I’ve saved myself from being checked off someone’s “To Do” list again. And although I could be missing out, it’s a good feeling to know I’m finally in control. And it feels great.

85 Years For Stalking Wife

The American Justice System is a joke.

Admittedly this guy needed to go to jail… But 85 Years?

You can’t get that for Murder in most states.

And after the George Zimmerman trial – you are under less of a risk to go to jail at all committing murder of black children.

Pr. George’s man who used social media to stalk ex-wife sentenced to 85 years

A Hyattsville man accused of posing as his ex-wife online and posting ads soliciting sex from strangers was sentenced Thursday to 85 years in prison.

Michael A. Johnson II created a Craigslist ad with abhorrent titles advertising sex from his ex-wife, according to court papers. The ads attracted about 50 men to the woman’s house, including some who tried to break in, the records said.

“It’s hard to imagine doing this to someone you once loved,” Prince George’s County Circuit Judge Maureen M. Lamasney said in court.

The case is among several nationwide in which people have been accused of stealing their victim’s online persona and postingInternet ads offering sex.

The woman told The Washington Post in a recent interview that she resorted to buying a shotgun and staying up all night pointing it at the door. She said she found several fake profiles in her name on sites including Facebook and the pornography aggregator XTube. One of the ads offered up her three children for sex and included their photos.

“This wasn’t just a case of him sending e-mails,” the woman said in court. “He changed my life and my children’s lives forever.”

“We felt like refugees in our own home, no one should have to live like that,” added the woman, who asked not to be identified for fear of continued harassment.

The woman obtained a restraining order against her ex-husband after he assaulted her in 2011, wrapping his hands around her neck, court papers say. After that incident, the cyber-terror began in earnest.

Johnson was convicted in June of more than 70 counts, including stalking, reckless endangerment and violations of a protective order.

St. Kitt and Nevis Athlete Kicked Out of Olympics… For spending Night With Wife

Dang! It appears in St Kitt and Nevis your wife is on the list of “banned substances!

Not going to get any of that “Sexual Healing” and still run…

London 2012: Kim Collins axed from 100m by St Kitts for meeting wife

Lane four stood empty during the final heat of the men’s 100m in the Olympic Stadium on Saturday, after the former world champion Kim Collins was dropped by St Kitts and Nevis for spending the night in a hotel with his wife.

A furious Collins announced via Twitter that he would not be competing for his country again, claiming that his appearance at the Pan American Games in Mexico last year would be his last. “For those who saw me run in Mexico. That’s the last time I represent my country,” he said.

A spokesman for his home Olympic committee said Collins, who was competing at his fifth Olympic Games, would not participate in the 100m as a disciplinary measure after he flouted team rules by leaving the athletes’ village without permission.

The spokesman said Collins had not been in the camp for “the last couple of days” and is believed to have been staying with his wife in a hotel.

Earlier Collins had posted a message on Twitter, reading: “My fans. I won’t lie. Won’t be running later tonight.” Another message read: “Even men in prison get their wives to visit.”

The 2003 world champion, who is 36, carried his country’s flag at the Olympic opening ceremony just over a week ago. Collins finished seventh in the 2000 Olympic 100m final and sixth in Athens in 2004. He won bronze in the 100m at last year’s world championships in Daegu,South Korea, but with a season’s best time of 10.05sec would have found it difficult to earn a place in Sunday’s final.

Collins remains as an entrant in the 200m and 4x100m but team officials said they were unable to confirm whether he would compete.

Collins is the second of an original seven-athlete Olympics team from St Kitts and Nevis to be disciplined.

The sprinter Tameka Williams, the only woman on the team, was sent home last weekend for a potential drug violation despite not testing positive for a banned drug.

The St Kitts and Nevis Olympic Committee said Williams had acknowledged using a substance which was “clearly outside the medical code”.

Condi Rice – A Misogynist Conservative’s Wet Dream Candidate

Proving once again that the soul of the Republican Party is a bunch of 65 yar old pubescent teenagers holding desperately to a dog eared Playboy Magazine…

Fresh from cleaning up after the serial masturbation over the Sno’ Ho’ – it seems the Conservatives have selected their new cenerfold.

Bad news guys —  Condi will not be the VP candidate…Period.

Thee are a number of reasons for this (serial failure as Secretary of State being one) – not the least of which is the “closet” issue.

As attractive, intelligent, and talented as Condi is – she ain’t got no man… Because she doesn’t swing that way.

When Condi came to DC, every brother for 200 miles worth his 6 or 7 figure income was lining up to get next to Condi, a successful black woman who, at least on the surface appeared to be comfortable in her own skin, and not carrying the usual 6 tons of emotional baggage about her looks, her success, or the last 17 Playas she picked as potential matches only to find out that they really were Playas. I mean – her hanging out with conservative scum, and perhaps having to escort her to the septuagenarian Geritol  shuffleboard parties which pass for Republican white whine parties, at that level at least would be a small price to pay.

No interest…

There is a good reason why.

(uhhh…Conservatives…Enjoy the photoshops!)

Rice for Vice President?

How do you give heartburn simultaneously to Team Obama and to conservatives? Spread a rumor Mitt Romney is thinking of picking former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice as his running mate.

Condi Rice is a remarkable woman with an impressive resume. My friend Jack Wheeler and I used to be so high on her that for a (brief) time she was our preferred candidate for president in 2008. But Condi turned out to be a lousy national security adviser, a worse secretary of state. I wouldn’t hire her now to organize a two-car funeral.

Which doesn’t disqualify her from the vice presidency. Under the Constitution, the vice president’s only jobs are to preside over the Senate from time to time, and to wait for the president to die.

Though Condi was a rotten manager, she’s very smart, and knows a lot about foreign affairs, which is not an area of expertise for Mr. Romney. She can give good advice, she just shouldn’t be responsible for carrying it out. As vice president, she wouldn’t be.

Condi would be a very good candidate. She has a pleasant personality, is easy on the eyes and is an excellent speaker. She wowed those who heard her at a Romney fundraiser in Utah June 23.

“Rice electrified Mitt Romney’s circle last month with a speech she delivered at the candidate’s closed-door June fundraising retreat in Park City,” said BuzzFeed. “Rice’s forceful and surprisingly partisan 13-minute address … won her two standing ovations … It was widely considered the highlight of the weekend.”

Skeptics note Condi Rice has never run for anything. But running for office is a lot easier than doing the job. For evidence, see the example of Obama, B.

The campaign so far has been really dull, thinks former Reagan speechwriter Peggy Noonan. The audiences she speaks to agree, she says. But “spontaneous applause burst forth” when she mentioned to a group of business people that Condi might be considered for vice president.

The people who were applauding “looked surprised by their own passion,” Ms. Noonan said. “They looked relieved, like a campaign was going on and big things might happen and maybe it could get kind of . . . exciting.”

In a Rasmussen poll in April, Condi’s favorables/unfavorables were an eye popping 66-24. Team Romney has to be impressed with that.

The principal assets Ms. Rice could bring to the GOP, though, are her gender, and the pigmentation of her skin.

Democrats can’t talk about President Obama’s accomplishments, because there aren’t any. So they charge the president’s critics are motivated by racism, or sexism. These smears would get the ridicule they deserve if Condi were Mitt Romney’s running mate.

Few think Ms. Rice could pull many blacks over to the GOP, but her presence on the ticket could give cover to blacks unhappy with the president for other reasons, such as his handling of the economy or his embrace of gay marriage. Ms. Rice is, after all, all black, not just half black, and she went to segregated schools in the South, not to a prep school in Hawaii. So I bet Barack Obama is sorry now he blew off the NAACP convention.

Condi gives many conservatives heartburn, too. She’s “mildly pro-choice” on abortion, is something of a GloWarmer, supports affirmative action under some circumstances, and was a squish on Iran.

Mr. Romney has lots of good people from which to choose, so he’s unlikely to take the risk. And Condi says she doesn’t want the job. But if she were the candidate, they’d have to call the vice presidential debate after the first few minutes, on the grounds that to continue would be excessively cruel to Joe Biden.

But if Mr. Obama were to dump Slow Joe for Secretary of the State Hillary Rodham Clinton, then the vice presidential debate, scheduled for Oct. 11, could be the highlight of the campaign.

Man Arrested for Molesting a Teddy Bear – Orange Jumpsuit Award

Sista’s, I know finding a good man seems like an uphill struggle sometimes…

But it isn’t just white women who are stealing your men!

Now you have…Teddy Bears!

Now this sick brother isn’t quite as bad as the Horse Whisperer I wrote about in South Carolina…

But Dayam!

The Orange Jumpsuit, Definitely Not a Playa Award of the Day goes to Charles Marshall of Cincinnati…

Pervy Perp Again Busted For Sex With Teddy Bear

For the fourth time in the past two years, a Cincinnati man has been arrested for masturbating in public with the aid of a teddy bear, records show.

Charles Marshall, 28, was arrested Wednesday evening after employees at a health clinic spotted him pleasuring himself in an alley. Marshall, pictured in the adjacent mug shot, was cited for disorderly conduct.

Municipal Court records show that Marshall has already been convicted three times of engaging in public indecency/disorderly conduct with a teddy bear. The misdemeanor counts resulted in short jail sentences and small fines for Marshall.

Marshall was first busted in February 2010 when witnesses spotted him engaged “with a teddy bear in mens bathroom” at a public library (which prompted a judge to order him to “stay away all Hamilton Co. public libraries”).

He was again arrested in November 2010 and August 2011 for “masturbating w/a stuffed animal (teddy bear)” and “masturbating using a teddy bear in a public place where minors were likely to be present.”

It is unclear whether cops this week seized Marshall’s teddy bear (or even if they would want to). If so, fellow Cincinnatians should look for him at an area Toys “R” Us.

Tracy McMillan – Why You’re Not Married…Part 2.

So…Tracy – after the third marriage…
Should the bride wear black?

Last year an opinion piece directed towards women by Tracy McMillan caused the Internet Message Boards to light up. Tracy has published a follow on piece n HuffPo – which I am sure is going to cause as much controversy. With only 42% of black women who will ever marry, and the statistics of even divorced black women not looking too good – its probably time to start delving a little deeper into he issue than metro-sexual black men, or all the good men are locked up in Prison. Black women, by and large do the same things as their white counterparts. Reminds me of a conversation with a Jewish woman I dated, when on the first date she volunteered “So you a tired of the black women who are b*tches, and the white ones who are crazy.”

Tracy McMillian

I reminded her about obsessive, too smart Jewish women…

Tracy’s first foray through the minefield is here, and includes the first “6 Reasons” -

1. You’re a B*tch.
Here’s what I mean by b*tch. I mean you’re angry. You probably don’t think you’re angry. You think you’re super smart, or if you’ve been to a lot of therapy, that you’re setting boundaries. But the truth is you’re pissed. At your mom. At the military-industrial complex. At Sarah Palin. And it’s scaring men off.

The deal is: most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them. I am the mother of a 13-year-old boy, which is like living with the single-cell protozoa version of a husband. Here’s what my son wants out of life: macaroni and cheese, a video game, and Kim Kardashian. Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn’t think so. You’ve seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle, and make a sex tape. Female anger terrifies men.

Single Guy view – No sane guy out of his teens wants to marry a “b*tch”, “Diva”, or “Queen”. Once those hormones subside a bit about 30, he figures out that while a Diva may be a great “f*ck buddy”, the continued flak of waking up with her for the next 20 years just isn’t worth it.

2. You’re Shallow.
When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man’s character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you’re not married, I already know it isn’t. Because if you were looking for a man of character,you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit.

Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy…

Single Guy view – Go to any black dating website and look at the “want list” of the women there. Whether 4’11” or 6′ tall they all want a guy taller than 5’9″. Since the average height of black men in America is 5’9″ that eliminates 50% of the available men from their searches. Take out married, committed, or in jail – and the number of available black guys gets astonishingly small. Go to any of the Internet dating sites, and over 30 you find a plethora of women over 5’6″ – statistically the largest group. Face it tall ladies – the short girls done stole all your men! If  you are really serious about that relationship – get used to wearing flats. Your feet will thank you when you reach 50.

Searching for Denzel. I have a couple of women business friends I’ve known for a long time who have never been married who are in their early 50’s. One is short, dumpy, and very average looking. A recurring scenario is she meets a wildly successful handsome guy, agonizes over every word he says for months – to find out he’s dating someone else, he’s gay, or has a list of psychological problems that would put a poorer person in an Asylum. She doesn’t even get to bed the guy. She went through this with a guy I know who is probably one of the top 5 most eligible guys in town, who has a successful career, has lots of status,  is wealthy, and a long family pedigree of successful ancestors – all “must haves” in her book. The problem? Every other single woman in town knows this too. If I’ve got 100 Halle Berrys knocking at my door, character be damned in terms of a sex life… I’m not looking for a date with Whoopi. What I’m looking for is a Halle..with a brain.

3. You’re a Slut.
Hooking up with some guy in a hot tub on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of Jersey Shore — but they’re not trying to get married. You are. Which means, unfortunately, that if you’re having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop. Why? Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin — it doesn’t stay recreational for long. Continue reading

“Never Make a Pretty Woman Your Wife”…Or Apparently, a Dumb One

Wow – My first thought in reading this article was “this explains the popularity among women of those dreadful Uggs boots!”

Recall this image of Venus Williams -

Looking dumb as a beauty strategy to attract guys.

It also goes a long way to explaining conservative men walking around with tented trousers at the thought of the Sno’ Ho’ – Sarah Palin…

And the lore (and allure) of the “dumb blonde” stereotype.

Do Men Find Dumb-Looking Women More Attractive?

Ask a straight man, “How do you like your women?” and it’s unlikely he’ll answer, “Dumb and sleepy.” But according to new findings, these characteristics—and any other traits suggesting that the lady isn’t particularly alert—are precisely what the human male has evolved to look for in a one-night-stand.

In an article soon to be published in Evolution and Human Behavior, University of Texas–Austin graduate student Cari Goetz and her colleagues explored what they called the sexual exploitability hypothesis. The hypothesis is based on thedifferences between male and female reproductive strategies as humans evolved. For ancestral women, casual intercourse with an emotionally unattached man who had no clear intention of sticking around to raise any resulting offspring constituted a massive genetic gamble. By contrast, for a man with somewhere around 85 million sperm cells churned out every day—per testicle—the frivolous expenditure of gametes was far less detrimental to his genetic interests. Goetz and her team began with the assumption that—because our brains evolved long before prophylactics entered the picture—female cognition is still sensitive to the pregnancy-related consequences of uncommitted sex and women remain more reluctant than men to engage in it. They set out to test the idea that any indication that a woman’s guard is lowered—that she’s “sexually exploitable”—is a turn-on for your average man. “[T]he assessment of a woman’s immediate vulnerability,” surmise the authors, “may be central to the activation of psychological mechanisms related to sexual exploitation.”

Reminds me of an old 60’s song…

This is an inflammatory hypothesis, of course, and the language employed in the field doesn’t help matters. It’s worth noting that in the evolutionary psychology sense, the word exploitable simply means that a woman is willing or can be more easily pressured into having sex—which takes her own desires, rather disturbingly, out of the equation. Even if she’s the aggressor, a prostitute, or a certifiable nymphomaniac, having casual sex with her would still constitute “exploiting” her (or at least her body), according to this model.  Continue reading

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